Report from the second RFA Pub Quiz

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Rugby Fives Pub Quiz Report –- 28th May 2020

All around the globe

The RFA has been asked to publish this report on the second — and most recent — RFA Pub Quiz. However, as keen readers will soon notice, this is not a very, err, conventional report. In fact, it’s not really a report at all, with none of the details you might expect. So, read on, and you won’t see who took part — or who won.

But, you will find out a lot about custard — as, we understand, so did everyone who took part in the quiz. And, we’re assured that everyone who took part will find the report wonderfully amusing. And, in case this still isn’t crystal clear, there are some videos at the end which will hopefully explain everything.

Or not…

Dan Grant writes:
How to make the best custard
Custard is perfect for slathering all over crumbles, pies, puddings and fives balls. It is rich in energy to help you through the third game and as a non-Newtonian liquid you can even put it in your gloves to form some extra flexible padding that you can then eat after winning the plate, off the plate, with crumble.

To make the best custard you must assemble your fives pub quiz team and task each member with getting a key ingredient.
• 550mls of whole milk
• 55ml of single cream
• 1.5 vanilla pods
• 5 free range eggs – yolks only
• 35g of caster sugar
• 5 tsp of cornflour

Then get over to the method. You can select some fives-related music from Spotify as you do so, and if you have time you can check the fives archives for pictures of Ady Lee’s calves.

1. Bring the milk, cream and vanilla pods to simmering point over a low heat -– similar to the heat on a St Paul’s court.
2. Remove the vanilla pods and store them in your fives tankard, sealed shut with caster sugar to create delicious vanilla sugar. If you don’t have a fives tankard then you can ask Will Ellison if you can borrow one of his. He has four hundred and thirty seven.
3. Whisk the yolks, sugar and cornflour together in a bowl until well blended, like an excellent doubles pairing. For example, you want the consistency of a Gareth Price & Matt Cavanagh pairing.
4. Pour the hot milk and cream onto the eggs and sugar, whisking all the time with a balloon whisk. If you don’t have a balloon whisk then you can use a Kookaburra fives glove. (Top tip, this glove is also excellent for drop shots -– just ask Ed Hatton.)
5. Return to the pan and simmer gently over a low heat, stirring with a fives medal (preferably gold as it is inert and we all know RFA gold medals are 100% real gold).
6. Once thickened pour into a Dartington Crystal jug (or vase, or bowl, or whatever is available that year at the South West Open).
7. Serve at once, sometimes before your guests are ready, just like the legend, James Toop.

Now you can devour your dessert with gusto. Take a moment to toast your guests and drink so much wine late into the night that your child comes into the room to tell you to shut up on a zoom call. And of course, it wouldn’t be dinner unless you donated some money to the RFA: https://www.gofundme.com/f/rugby-fives-pub-quiz

Hugs and kisses, the RFA Culinary Sub-Committee xx

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